Dating is often a journey of discovering the other person’s quirks, habits, strengths—and sometimes, deeper traits. One such trait that more people are recognizing is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), especially in adults who may have been undiagnosed. Consultant psychiatrist Dr. Ali Ajaz recently shared nine signs on social media that could point to your partner living with ADHD. Below, we’ll explore these, back them up with reliable sources like the NHS and CDC, and offer insight into what this means for your relationship.
What is ADHD in Adults?
ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition. While it’s most often diagnosed in childhood, many adults were never diagnosed early and only recognize the symptoms later in life. The way ADHD shows up can shift over time. In adults, hyperactivity might mellow into feelings of restlessness or impulsiveness rather than overt fidgeting. Mayo Clinic+2CDC+2
Dr Ali Ajaz explained ADHD symptoms in adults (Johner RF/ Getty Stock)
According to the NHS, symptoms include inattentiveness (difficulty focusing, being forgetful, losing things), hyperactivity or impulsivity (making snap decisions, being overly talkative, interrupting). These symptoms usually start before age 12. nhs.uk
The CDC adds that these traits must be persistent, occur in more than one setting (e.g. work, home, social life), and significantly impact daily functioning. CDC+1
9 Signs You’re Dating Someone Who Might Have Undiagnosed ADHD
Dr. Ali Ajaz highlights several markers you may notice in your partner. Here are nine signs, paired with what established sources say. If you see many of these in combination, it may be worth gently discussing with them or encouraging professional help.
| Sign | What It Means / How It Shows Up |
|---|---|
| 1. Zoning out in conversations | They may drift away mid-conversation, forgetting key points or questions. Attention may fade, especially if the topic isn’t stimulating. This aligns with inattentiveness in ADHD. nhs.uk+2East London NHS Foundation Trust+2 |
| 2. Forgetting plans or commitments often | They may repeatedly forget social events, appointments, or tasks. Time-management and organization issues are common in adult ADHD. Mayo Clinic+2East London NHS Foundation Trust+2 |
| 3. Going from calm to meltdown or high emotional intensity quickly | Sudden arguments or emotional outbursts, feeling overwhelmed, especially due to criticism, rejection-sensitivity or built-up stress. Emotional dysregulation is a documented symptom. NHS Dorset+2East London NHS Foundation Trust+2 |
| 4. Overly sensitive to criticism | Even mild feedback can be perceived as harsh criticism. Many with ADHD report feeling judged and may take criticism deeply. This is tied to lower frustration tolerance and self-esteem issues. Mayo Clinic+1 |
| 5. Impulsivity in decisions or reactions | Jumping quickly into something (speaking, financial decisions, commitments) without fully thinking through consequences. nhs.uk+2East London NHS Foundation Trust+2 |
| 6. Restlessness or inner agitation | They might feel unable to sit still, constantly fidget, or feel restless even in quiet settings. It may be internal rather than visible hyperactivity. Mayo Clinic+1 |
| 7. Talking a lot, interrupting, or blurting out thoughts | They may interrupt conversations, finish others’ sentences, or speak before thinking. This can strain communication. nhs.uk+1 |
| 8. Difficulty organizing, following through, or finishing tasks | They may start many things but struggle to complete them; lose track of details; have cluttered spaces or undone chores. Executive functioning issues. Mayo Clinic+2East London NHS Foundation Trust+2 |
| 9. Loyalty, creativity, passion & deep empathy | On the flip side, many people with ADHD bring positive qualities: being deeply caring, passionate, loyal, creative, or empathetic, often thinking outside the box. These traits can strengthen relationships when understood. While not always emphasized in clinical lists, many accounts and qualitative studies point to them as strengths. Drawing from lived-experience narratives and mental health forums. |
Why These Signs Might Be Missed
- Presentation varies by person: ADHD looks different in different people. For example, some may have mostly inattentive symptoms (less visible hyperactivity). nhs.uk+1
- Coping strategies: Over time, many learn ways to mask or compensate, which can make signs subtler.
- Gender differences: Symptoms in women are often under-recognized. Women may internalize symptoms (anxiety, stress, perfectionism) instead of outward restlessness. nhs.uk+2gazeta-shqip.com+2
What You Can Do as a Partner
- Be compassionate and observant: If you see many of these signs, approach the topic gently—not with blame, but care.
- Encourage professional support: A diagnosis from a psychiatrist or psychologist can help clarify things. The NHS recommends talking to your GP if ADHD symptoms affect work, relationships, or daily life. nhs.uk
- Learn together: Read trusted sources (e.g. NHS, Mayo Clinic, CDC) to better understand adult ADHD. For example, NHS has insights into managing symptoms at home and in relationships. nhs.uk+1
- Use support strategies: Structuring routines, written reminders, patience with delays, open conversations about how each partner experiences daily life.
Why it Matters for the Relationship
When someone lives with undiagnosed ADHD, certain patterns (forgetfulness, miscommunication, emotional reactivity) may repeatedly cause conflicts. Understanding that many of these are symptoms—not personal failings—can shift perspective. It offers an opportunity to build trust, set realistic expectations, and use the ADHD person’s strengths (creativity, empathy, loyalty) to enrich the relationship.
Reliable Sources to Consult
- NHS – ADHD in adults: reliable, UK-based information about symptoms, assessment, and support. nhs.uk
- Mayo Clinic: clear description of symptoms, especially in adults. Mayo Clinic
- CDC: offers diagnostic criteria and public health guidance. CDC+1
Internal Resources You Might Also Like
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- How to Support a Partner with Anxiety (learn strategies and communication tips)
- Why Some People Misunderstand ADHD (explore common myths)
- Creativity and Neurodiversity: Celebrating Strengths (to see the positive side of neurodivergence in relationships)
Final Thoughts
If you recognise several of the above signs in your partner, that does not necessarily mean they have ADHD—only a qualified professional can provide a diagnosis. However, awareness is the first step. Knowing what to look out for, being empathetic, and supporting each other can make a real difference.
If this article resonated with you, you may find further benefit in reading our related pieces like How to Support a Partner with Anxiety or Creativity and Neurodiversity, to better understand yourself and your relationship.
