What’s the real secret to a successful marriage? It’s not lavish date nights or fiery passion—it’s something far more enduring.
According to Arthur Brooks, a Harvard professor, author, and relationship expert, the strongest marriages are built not just on love, but on deep friendship. Brooks shared his insights during an episode of The Peter Attia Drive podcast, emphasizing that friendship is what truly holds a marriage together over time.
“The goal of your marriage is not passion, it’s friendship,” said Brooks. “You must be close friends, ideally best friends, with your spouse.”
💔 The Warning Sign You Shouldn’t Ignore
Brooks also offered a caution: if you or your partner feel lonely within the relationship, that’s one of the biggest red flags.
“One of the greatest predictors of divorce is partners who are lonely while living together,” he explained.
Couples who only connect through responsibilities—like raising kids—are more likely to drift apart once those responsibilities fade.
Arthur Brooks is an American academic and author (The Peter Attia podcast/YouTube)
👫 Friendship Over Everything
This concept of friendship in marriage isn’t just Brooks’ personal belief—it’s backed by other experts too. Grady Shumway, a licensed mental health counselor, told Marriage.com that shared hobbies and experiences can be the glue that keeps couples connected.
Related Posts
Whether it’s hiking, cooking, or binge-watching shows, finding things you both enjoy helps foster a sense of togetherness and joy in the relationship.
Friendship is a necessary for your relationship to succeed, according to the expert (Getty Stock Image)
✅ What You Can Do Today
Don’t panic if your relationship feels a little routine. Brooks recommends investing time in new shared experiences. Here are a few ideas to strengthen your bond:
- Take a class together (cooking, dancing, photography)
- Start a weekend tradition (like coffee walks or game nights)
- Travel, even if it’s just local adventures
- Work out or take on a fitness challenge as a team
For more practical advice, check out Arthur Brooks’ upcoming book, The Happiness Files: Insights on Work and Life, set to release on August 12, 2025, by Harvard Business Review Press.
🎯 Final Thought
A lasting marriage isn’t about grand gestures—it’s about being each other’s best friend. Shared laughter, mutual respect, and simply enjoying life together are what make love go the distance.
So, maybe it’s time to reschedule that activity you’ve both been putting off. It might just be the spark your relationship needs.
