Lavender marriages are having a moment—and Gen Z seems to be leading the charge. But while these unconventional partnerships promise stability and companionship, experts are warning they might not be the fairy-tale solution many are hoping for.
What Exactly Is a Lavender Marriage?
Traditionally, a lavender marriage was a marriage of convenience, often entered into by LGBTQ+ people who needed to hide their sexuality in order to avoid stigma or persecution. As Anne-Marie Zanzal, a coming-out coach, explains:
“Celebrities and everyday people alike used lavender marriages in the past to protect themselves. Marriage was a shield—it meant stability, and of course, being seen as straight.”
Fast forward to today, and lavender marriages look a little different. Instead of being rooted in secrecy, many young people see them as a practical alternative to the traditional “marriage for love” script.
Why Gen Z Is Into It
According to Psychology Today, Gen Z is rejecting the one-size-fits-all blueprint of marriage. Instead, they’re prioritizing things like:
- Financial security
- Reliable companionship
- A partner who’s ready to face life’s challenges together
As relationship coach Channa Bromley puts it:
“Modern lavender marriages aren’t about fairytales. They’re about building a stable, sustainable life with someone who truly gets you.”
The Risks You Need to Know
But here’s the catch: just because something sounds practical doesn’t mean it’s problem-free.
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Christine DeVore, a licensed clinical psychologist at Birch Psychology, warns that without clear boundaries, things can get messy.
“If no rules are set, you might end up falling in love with your platonic partner. That could lead to heartbreak and even damage the friendship you had before the marriage.”
Even with rules, experts say they need to be revisited regularly. Business Insider points out that relationships evolve, and what worked at first may not hold up years down the line.
People in lavender marriages should have rules in place to avoid potential heartbreak, says experts (Getty Images/PeopleImages)
How to Make It Work
If you’re considering a lavender marriage, experts recommend:
- Have honest conversations: Talk openly about emotional needs and boundaries.
- Set expectations early: Decide what intimacy looks like in your relationship.
- Review benefits often: Keep checking if the legal and financial perks still serve you. (Marriage.com has great resources for navigating this.)
The Bottom Line
Lavender marriages may feel like a refreshing alternative to traditional romance, but they’re not immune to challenges. As DeVore reminds us:
“No relationship, including a lavender marriage, guarantees a lifetime of happiness.”
So, if you’re ready to jump into one, make sure you and your partner are on the same page—and willing to keep checking in along the way.
